A Successor for the Millennium Earl
by theMOKONAandPIKACHU
Summary: Will it be Tyki? Rhode? Jasdevi? Skinn? Maybe Lulubell? Perhaps Cyril? Or even . . . Allen? Rated T for some language. Crackfic. A MOKONA AND PIKACHU PRODUCTION


_**A Successor for the Millennium Earl**_

_**Mokona**__: Mokona-sama and Pikachu-sama definitely own D. Gray-Man __.__.__ . OW!_

_**Kanda**__: *unsheathes Mugen* Nobody owns me. Katsura Hoshino knows how to appreciate art and drew my absolutely pretty face._

_**Pikachu**__: Fine, we don't own D. Gray-man. Katsura Hoshino does. Although... *looks at Kanda, who eyes her suspiciously* I must say, you look more feminine in person._

_**Mokona**__: I second that._

_**Kanda**__: URUSAI! You two will be punished!_

_**M&P**__: *screaming*_

**A MOKONA AND PIKACHU PRODUCTION**

Chapter 1 -- Introductions

"What's going on?" asked Lenalee.

"I don't know," hissed Lavi. "Just follow."

The Exorcists were being led to a strange place. They had, as usual, no idea what was going on. Komui had just ordered them follow him. They were brought into a dark room and made to sit down. She could feel spit flying everywhere as people were whispering all around her – many other humans were in the room.

"Tch, what a waste of time," groused Kanda.

Lenalee turned to Lavi. "Did you see Allen anywhere?" she inquired.

Lavi shrugged. "Like I would know…Thing is, usually I would. But I really have no idea this time." Just then a voice started booming out of nowhere.

"Welcome," said the voice. Spotlights, beamed seemingly out of nowhere, shone upon a man, who was too far away from Lenalee for her to be able to make out any features. Seeing the seating arrangement -- rising circles like when you watch circus acts -- made Lenalee wonder just what was happening.

"So, anyway, I'll explain why you're all here. The Millennium Earl is – Gone," the man announced. He paused to blow his nose. "He's been transformed into a snowman and in the North Pole to prevent melting.

A video was displayed behind the man. It showed a tubby white snowman with a top hat, an abnormally large mouth and two buttons, one displaying a spade, the other a club. A polar bear was licking it delightedly. "We are awaiting a Terminator shift this object as it is right on a plot where an igloo is going to be built," smiled the polar bear…somehow.

"That was live feed on the Live Action Display screen. This is a game show to find the next Millennium Earl. I am your host, REEVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER WENHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM! And you are watching

WENHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM'S GAME SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!"

Excited chatter broke out as lights illuminated the place. Confetti was showered onto the audience.

Reever held up his hands. "Siiiiilence!" he requested, just like Dumbledore in some Harry Potter movie. It became 鸦雀无声 (It's Chinese, pronunciation being _ya que wu sheng_. It means really quiet.)

"Now, I know what you're all saying: If they're our foe, why should we help them? Well, without the Earl, the Akuma are going berserk. There's nothing to control them. Even the Noah can't." Looks of realization dawned upon the Exorcists' faces. "So without further ado, let's introduce our candidates! WHO IS WORTHY TO BE OUR NEXT MILLENIUM EARL?!!?

"First up!" yelled Reever. The lights dimmed.

"Our first contestant is one of the coolest characters around. He is Tall. He is Dark. Aaaaaaaaaaaand . . . He is SNARKY!!!" A light turned on, showing the silhouette of a man. "He is THE Classy One, He is THE Sexy one, he is the one with the top hat! He is – "Reever paused for effect. A drum roll started.

"THE PLEASURE OF NOAH, TYKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII MIKK!!!"

Some song by Linkin Park started playing as a smokescreen erupted. When the smoke cleared, Tyki Mikk was standing there, smoking a cigarette and smirking.

"Mikk, smoking is prohibited," scolded Reever, taking his cigarette and smashing it under his foot.

"GIRLS! HE'S OVER THERE!" screamed an annoying voice. A blonde bimbo rushed into the studio. "I HEART YOU FOREVER TYKI MIKK!"

The bimbo was followed by a crowd of . . . more bimbos, all wearing top hats that said TYKI FANGIRL CLUB. Some were holding up banners that said I LOVE YOU TYKI and MARRY ME TYKI MIKK among other things. A tiny fangirl with huge silicone implants ran into Tyki's arms and pressed a folded piece of pink paper into his hand.

Security guards rushed in and barred the crazy, rabid fangirls. A guard ran in and picked up the tiny fangirl with one arm. "Sorry, sir. My daughter."

Tyki Mikk unfolded the piece of paper. It was a long, mushy love letter signed by 'Mrs Micki Mikk'. Tyki sank to the floor, delirious and foaming at the mouth. "I don't remember exchanging marriage vows," he whispered faintly. Reever ushered him to his seat. The song was soon replaced with a song with high-pitched vocals.

"Our next contestant… She's the one among three who can control the Ark! The Oldest Noah, and without a wrinkle! The most adorable Noah, the one, and the only…" The drum roll started again.

"THE DREAMS OF NOAH, RHOOOOOOOOOOOOOODE KAMELOT!!!"

"Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" yelled Rhode. She was using Lero as a surfboard. She performed a few stunts, her 'surfboard' moaning," LeroooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOoOOOOOOOOOooooooooo…"

"Yo, dude!" some random surfer dude in surf shorts yelled. "Your skills aren't half bad girl! Care to join us someday? Is it just me, or are you heightening that fahrenheit?" Wolf-whistling, other dudes grinned mindlessly.

Rhode winked. "My heart belongs to one person," she giggled mischievously. She went to sit beside Tyki.

"Our third contestant!" announced Reever. "He is an Exorcist, a comrade! He is well-loved by all of us! He is the 14th! He is – "

"ALLEN!!!" Rhode celebrated. As soon as she saw Allen, standing there sheepishly, smiling and waving, she launched herself onto the poor boy, flung her arms around his neck and kissed him, full on the lips.

* * *

In the audience, Lenalee cringed. Lavi muttered, "She's doing it *again*." Kanda was – gasp in shock – sleeping. "He's asleep so soon, sa," smiled Lavi tenderly. Beside Lenalee, Komui was taking a snapshot of the mouth-to-mouth. "They're suuuuuch a romantic couple! They are so compatible! They are the perfect pair of lovebirds!" Komui kept raving compliments of the pair, declaring himself as a supporter of that shipping. The other members of the audience either burst into cheers or tears.

* * *

A group of giggling Allen fangirls had just arrived and the first thing they saw was the kiss. They burst into tears, ripped their ALLEN FANGIRL CLUB hats, switched allegiances and fangirl-ed other random ugly guys, like Edward Cullen or Kim Hyun Joong.

* * *

"Moving on! Rhode, get off Allen." Looking very content, Rhode detached herself from Allen, steered him to a seat and bounced herself onto his lap, smiling hugely. Allen had a must-I-do-this look on his boyish face.

"Next up, we have a man whose muscles could make Arnold Schwarzenegger jealous!" Reever continued, "He has a massive sweet tooth and no pupils in his eyes! This man is – "

A random guy in the audience, Toma, yelled, "Enough with the drum rolls!"

"Whatever! Can't hear you!" replied Reever, his excitement not diminishing.

"He is THE WRATH OF NOAH, SKIIIIIIIIIIIIINN BORIC!"

Crankdat by souljaboy began playing as Skinn Boric stepped onto the stage, eating five lollipops at once. He bent his waist awkwardly (perhaps bowing?) and sat with the other Noah/s. (2 Noah? 2 Noahs?)

"What a waste of time," he grunted. (We think he grunted that. It is tentative as it also sounded like 'watur ways uff tie')

He had no fans.

"And what do we have here?" Reever asked. "We have THE temptress, THE Noah Barbie Doll, aka THE Noah My Pretty Pony! Applaud, for . . . "

"There better not be a drum roll!" warned Toma.

"She is THE LUST OF NOAH, LULUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBELL!"

If You Seek Amy form Britney Spears played as she stepped out of seemingly nowhere. Somewhere in the audience, a guy yelled "ストライク!' (strike!) She lifted her designer Gucci sunglasses and gave her signature pout. Someone in the audience fell over in utter bliss. She put the sunglasses down and called, "Mimi!"

After being reminded that Mimi was dead, she sat down emotionlessly. Fanguys in the crowd were giving her a 'please-love-me' gaze of utter bliss.

On a separate note, a guy said "please FU – " but some guy interrupted with "Hey man, keep it K-rated!"

"We also have someone VERY important to participate! He is the minister of a state! He is handsome! He is charming! He is mature! He is a Casanova who abuses his wife! The Portuguese version of Lucius Malfoy! He is . . . "

Pause.

"He is THE PEACE AND DIPLOMACY OF NOAH, CYRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL KAMELOT!"

Cyril stepped up and did a dignified bow as smooth relaxing music filled the place. Rhode glomped him. While riding on his back, pointed to Allen. "Daddy, this boy kissed me, so in order to protect my virginity, I have to MARRY him."

Allen tried to protest, but Cyril indulged, "We'll see how it goes."

"And now that all our contestants are here, without further ado, let the games – "

"HOLD IT!"

Reever was cut off by two boys in those Victoria's Secret pink frilly ribbony lingerie that for some weird inexplicable reason people think are sexy. They were carrying golden guns, and they looked terrifically ridiculous in the garb, through which one could see their – never mind. But their fangirls immediately got massive nosebleeds and were rushed to hospital.

"Yo, Jasdevi. Still as pale as ever as ever I see," commented Tyki. "Nice outfits. Care to explain?"

"Umm . . . "They looked at each other.

-FLASHBACK-

Cross Marian was in the Victoria's Secret Lingerie Fashion Display Show. Or to be more precise, in the models' dressing room, making out with every single girl in there. All the beauties showered their love on him, but could not perform afterwards as they were too traumatized at the leave of their lover. Therefore, Cross had to provide at least two replacements to the boss, a big burly clownfish that Marian was unable to seduce.

Jasdevi came to Cross to punish him for the debts he had left for them . . . Eventually, Marian escaped, and left the two modeling. Screaming, howling and shouting, they were dragged to the dressing room and forcefully clothed.

"Oh, late bloomers no? Don't worry, we have padded…" cooed the cute French fashion developer at their lack of chest.

After the show, they rushed to the studio with no time to change.

-END FLASHBACK-

"Ah . . . no reason," stammered Devit, not wishing to let Tyki know that Cross had once again outsmarted them.

"Probably trying to get a tan, aren't you?" taunted Tyki. "But – "

"PERFECT!" Reever cheered. "You two, how did you know?" We were going to start with Tyki, but your attire is a perfect A*!"

"Sorry? Wh – what do you mean?!" spluttered Devit.

Reever grinned evilly. "You two have to pole dance," he broke into laughter.

"WHAT THE F – "

"K-rating!" supplied Reever.

"WHAT IN BLOODY HELL?!" they cussed.

"It gets better," said Reever. "Do it while on stilts." Enjoying the horrified looks on the duo's faces, he turned to the audience and added, "Stay tuned to Wenham's Game Show, we'll be back shortly." The other contestants faded from the stage as Tyki heaved a sigh of relief.

* * *

_**Pikachu**__: We hope you enjoyed our very first Mokona and Pikachu production! It was fun to write, especially during science lesson. _

_**Mokona**__: Though Mr. Science Teacher wasn't very agreeable._


End file.
